Finally last week  as I am walking up the stairs with John Lucas I got really out of breath. I felt my heart palpitating. I had to stop half way up because I felt like I couldn't breath. That was when I knew something was not right. I am 30 years old. I should be able to walk up the stairs with my chunkers in arms.  The following day John took me to Urgent Care. I thought I would probably need vitamins or something minimal. When they took my blood pressure it was sky high. After reviewing my symptoms with the Dr. she urged me to go to the hospital because she could not run the proper tests. I got scared, but still didn't realize the severity. When we go there they ordered several tests and admitted me because I was extremely anemic. I was dehydrated and had to be put on IV fluids. I was in the hospital for 5 days, it was terrible. John and I spent new years eve watching the ball drop from  my hospital bed. I hated being away from my babies. The worst part of all was that I had to wean JL from nursing because of all of the steroids I was put on. The babies would come visit but it was hard to comfort JL when he wanted to nurse and refused the bottle. I am still trying to get over ending breastfeeding, we were not ready to end that relationship and I morn for that closeness we shared. However, I am thankful he got almost 8 months of boobie milk goodness. I am also thankful for my family who jumped in and helped with the kids. I don't now what I would do without them. 

I was diagnosed with UC (ulcerative colitis), it is an auto immune disease that attacks the good bacteria in your colon. It causes inflammation, ulcers, bleeding, anemia, exhaustion and weight loss. While I was in the hospital getting medication to treat my condition and rehydrating, I started to feel what normal is supposed to feel like. I can't believe I went so long thinking that the exhaustion I was feeling was normal! Now that I am home and on medication I am starting to feel better and have so much more energy. I can keep up. I can do it. I am a good mom. I no longer feel like a failure.

I am thankful that we got to the hospital at a good time before the condition caused irreversible harm.  I am also thankful to be on the road to recovery. There are a lot of changes I have to make to maintain a healthy lifestyle and I am excited and ready to take it all on. I am going to make 2017 a great year of change and progress. I will be sharing my intentions for 2017 in a post to follow.